Bingo in Smoking

Boys and girls, the time has come to discuss something magical and special that sometimes happens between consenting individuals who may or may not know eath other’s names.

Syphilis.

According to an article that I read over someone’s shoulder on the National Rail train today, the number of cases of syphilis in Britain has doubled since 2003.

This would have been shocking had it not been for three recent incidents that prepared me somewhat for the shock:

1. Witnessing the distressing emotional trauma of an individual who witnessed a couple exercising their apparent right to public fellatio on a train.

2. Witnessing the distressing emotional trauma of the same individual walking into a train’s lavatory after a man had left only to find a scarcely clad woman still inside.

3. Reading an article some weeks ago from the same newspaper which encouraged women to have more one-night stands. This article included a mildly amusing anecdote from a woman who, when she noticed that street cleaners were watching her engage in prurient acts in the doorway of a shop in the wee hours of the morning, waved at them.

This would not only suggest that syphilis is, in fact, likely to be on the rise, it would also suggest that a train is not the place to be if you want to avoid contracting it. But this is beside the point.

The article featured in Point #3, which I sadly did not keep long enough to include a scan, asserted that sex restricted to a stable relationship was contrary to the lifestyle of a modern independent woman. While this ethos may not be exactly my cup of tea, I understand that these things happen and we’re only human. But let’s not pretend to be appalled and surprised when syphilis cases are on the rise. While the article did list several socially acceptable excuses to give if you do the nasty with a person and then do not wish to see that person ever again, it made no mention of the importance of wrapping it up.

And why the hell not? As Uncle Ben said in Spider-Man, with great power comes great responsibility, and sometimes in the heat of the moment we cannot be bothered to obtain and recall such mundane details as a person’s sexual history or last name or distinctive facial features. Therefore, we would do well to remember to make sure Little Jimmy has put on his diving suit.

Aunt Aleshia’s message is simply this, kids: Just be safe. Please enjoy the following verbal and audio delights as encouragement as you venture syphilis-free into a safer, less diseased Britain.

Just be sure to stay off the trains.

TRICKS AND TREATS:
Background Information for the Knowledge-Thirsty
E-Rotic – Willy Use A Billy…Boy
What IS a Billy Boy?
Madness – House of Fun