Bingo in Smoking

Hello. My name is Aleshia, and I’m a hypocrite.

“Hi, Aleshia.”

There are some social phenomena that I fail entirely to understand, but in which I participate.

For example, almost every day for the past 7+ years, I have bought a bottled soft drink for $1. This is roughly $2,555 worth of Diet Pepsi, and that’s only if we assume that I bought only one per day and that I have not lived in England for the past year and a half (thereby making each one cost essentially $2). Also, I do not recycle when it is not convenient for me to do so.

But I think the most astounding of these phenomena is the concept of “I’ll try.”

A few weeks ago I held a party, to which a friend said she would “try” to come. How can you try to go somewhere? Either you plan to leave your house and reach your destination or you don’t. Saying “I’ll try” makes it appear as though you’re precontemplating an accident.

“Well, I’ll try to come, but there’s the possibility that I’ll be hit by a bus and be paralysed from the waist down. Then I’ll crawl along the roadside and try to hitch a ride, but one of my hands will get caught in a bear trap. The other hand, in a strange coincidence will be caught in the spokes of a passing bicycle, thereby breaking my wrist and all my fingers. But I will pressed on. I will chew my entrapped arm off and pull myself along by the lips, but by the time I arrive at your house, everyone may have already gone home! But I’ll try.”

I have perhaps used this phrase in the past, but I vow to never use it again, as it makes no sense. I encourage you to do the same.

Just say “no”.